U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
