There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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