Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
