my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
