And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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