you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
