capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
