Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
