dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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