my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
be right there i have to get my cape
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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