he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
