And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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