so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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