life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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