I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can feel your judgement through the phone