I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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