Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
