please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
