I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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