You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
this hospital has no fireball
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
