It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
