Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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