When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
