I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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