i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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