How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
