but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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