is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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