I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
