I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
