Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
