wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize