can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
