K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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