your parents love me but you hate me
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
