Someone shit on the floor
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
