I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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