Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
