how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
that may or may not have been my penis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
