Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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