omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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