We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
