So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
