I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
