I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
