She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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