So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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