trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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