need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
