she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
please come you make the beer taste better
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
