I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
