I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
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went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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