Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this will be a night to untag.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
