Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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