I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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