if you like me you must not know who I am
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
