I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
