My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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