How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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