so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
