but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
