I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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